Old habits die hard...

regret bu regret

Moments earlier, I was in the toilet. Thoughts breezed through my mind as the smell of shit breezed through my nose.

Ever since I put my signature to paper and contracted (pun fully intended) my immense talents to educating some 15, 16 years old bugger for 5 years, I've been thinking what kind of teacher I want to be. Definitely (or bien sûre as the french would say), I want to be bigger than a Math teacher. I want to direct them towards an adventurous way of leading life.

I recall a conversation I had with Kenny during the fondly-remembered days of wiping LCDs. We were talking about sciences, and perhaps - my memory's failing me - I mentioned that I regretted doing Math, which prompted him to say, "But Math is everywhere what," which is his way of saying that learning Math is useful. And he followed up with a question, "What does not require Math?"

To which I reply - rather ingeniously, now that I think of it - "Happiness."

So as I continued to be intoxicated by the fumes of my own shit, dying of my own making, I pictured myself standing in front of my future class, few years from now, and because I was sick of teaching Math, I asked them, "So who regrets coming to XXX Secondary School?" Oh yes, I'm looking forward to be posted to a school that is perceived to be laoya.

And then one of the boys would respond, "Of course I regret lah. XXX so lousy, also don't know why so long already still hasn't close down." That would warm up the class and prompt a mélanging of "I regret"s and "I don't regret"s, which would sound to me like, "%##@%*&".

And among the chaos, while every student is desparately trying to catch my attention and make known how they feel abt XXX, one student's voice - let's just say that he's David - would rise above the others and he would say, "Chye, I no regret. I no regret coming to XXX, no regret in my life. Life no regret." The class would fall into silence.

And that would be exactly the response I was waiting for, the trigger to fire off a dose of inspiring messages into the little brains in front of me. I would turn slowly to the boy and then, in a shuaiqi tone, with my composure fully intact, say to him, "David, a life with no regrets is an incomplete life. Whoever tells you you must live a life with no regrets is bullshiting. I would be very sad if there were no regrets in mine. Surely there must be some regrets in your life, no? "

David would ponder for a few seconds and then would try to dispute me. However, what follows would no longer be of grave consequence. My response would have fell a few dominos and started a chain reaction of brain activities. The students in my class would start thinking seriously, for the first time, about 'Regrets'. And that would be my introductory lesson to an adventurous life for them.

After breathing in the smell of my own shit for so long, I was well used to it and no longer felt intoxicated. Wiped the shit, pulled up my pants and flushed. But hell yes, I was intoxicated.

posted by le chye @ 5:48 PM